The End

For as long as I can remember I have a fear (or dreading) the end of things. Nope, not talking about the BIG end of things but much smaller and on a more frequent scale. The end of a round of golf, end of a day on the lake, end of a vacation, things like that.

I can tell you that in every round of golf I play (not that many lately, lol), somewhere around the 13th or 14th hole I get a sense of sadness that it will be over in x number of holes.

About Thursday on a standard weeks' vacation I start to wonder where the time went and why does it have to end in a few days. Everybody probably wonders that one but it is deeper than just whimsically wondering "where did the time go?".

The dread that hits me actually does sometimes prevent me from fully enjoying the moment and balance of the event.

I looked it up online hoping to find some cool sounding phobia but the list of phobias is too long to go through. I clearly have a phobia about going through that list...

Maybe it's rooted in the whole death thing, or more likely in aging. After all, not too many people want to age. I don't generally feel as old as I am. Maybe I'm holding on or wanting to.

Paul McCartney wrote a song about dieing called "End of the End", brief excerpt:

At the end of the end
It's the start of a journey
To a much better place
And this wasn't bad
So a much better place
Would have to be special
No need to be sad

A blogger I read by former SI writer and author Jeff Perlman often speaks of his fear on death.

I don't think that is where my head is at. It is about how fast life is moving. My post here last week about the constant "rush" in life is related...I think. If you enjoy things, shouldn't you fear them ending? Ending sooner than you hope?

Do you long for things to last?